Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were on the train coming back from Purley making painfully slow progress through the grimness that is south London. We were seated at one of those double seats with a table.
Not the actual seats
Image via http://farm5.staticflickr.com
When the train stopped at East Croydon, two girls got on and sat opposite us. They started chatting about this and that. I recognised one of them as a minor model from somewhere or other.
So far, so whatever.
The conversation then moved onto what food they were going to buy for a party.
I only hope that my writing skills can do this justice...
Girl on the left: I think I'm gonna buy a sweetcorn and mange tout salad. (I think it was sweetcorn, can't be sure)
Girl on the right: Oh. (Pause) What's mange tout?
G.o.t.L: You dunno what mange tout is?
G.o.t.R: Nah, I've never heard of it.
G.o.t.L: You must know what mange tout is.
G.o.t.R: (whispers) Isn't that a rude word?
G.o.t.L: What mange? No, you idiot! You're thinking of minge.
G.o.t.R: Oh, yeah. (Pause) So what do they look like?
G.o.t.L: They're kinda flat and green. Like a really squashed bean but without the pods inside.
G.o.t.R: No pods! What's the point of that then? (Fair point to be honest)
Now I'd gotten to the point where I was biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself laughing out loud. I looked around the carriage and the three people who were sitting close to us were struggling to suppress their laughter.
G.o.t.L: (shows the girl on the right her phone) That's what they look like.
Not the actual image she showed her.
Image via http://www.bestinseason.ie
G.o.t.R: (looks at phone) Oh them! Mange (rhyming with man - the adult male) tout.
G.o.t.L: No, you fool. Mange (rhyming with man - the adult male) is what dogs get.
Sadly by this point it was our stop and we had to get off. Just as well, really, because I don't think I could have contained my laughter for much longer.
My only regret is that I didn't lean across the table and go, 'Please can I be friends with you? Please!'